And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
either way he was missing a nipple.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
