Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
