I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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