guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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