I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
