So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
