Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
