I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
