Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
