woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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