My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You've changed since you got that strap on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
