i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
