There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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