I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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