my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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