i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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