I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
