He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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