her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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