He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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