What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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