So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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