two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
