Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
