I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
