I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
