mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
