You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
