summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
