I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize