I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
