May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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