i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
