You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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