i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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