I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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