Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How external is "for external use only"?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
