i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
