he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
