70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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