I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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