What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
