I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
