I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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