Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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