god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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