she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
