I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
As shirtless as possible
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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