Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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