I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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