when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
