i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
