I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
