It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
