I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
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People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was like having sex with a tree stump
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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