Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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