now i know why i became what i already was.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
wow bdsm is so cute
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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