i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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