Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
