Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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