He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
