I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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