i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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