she looked like the before picture.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They took my balls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
