Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
