nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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