No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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