I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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