I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
