i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
