It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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