The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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