from now on my penis is your penis
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need water and some morals
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
