I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
