Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
