Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he shaved USA in his pubs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
