I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
