Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
