I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
