Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
