I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
