apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
